The Stories we tell ourselves

Gender Representation and Self-Efficacy: A Behavioural Analysis

Introduction

Last month I went to a major equestrian trade exhibition with two women who are not only inspirational in the saddle, they have successful careers, are excellent parents and have rich, interesting lives.  At this event women comprised 98% of attendees and vendors, I therefore felt that this environment provides a unique lens through which to examine internalised limiting beliefs and their impact on professional advancement.  The inspiration for this, largely came from one of my companions who spent our time at the event making negative comments about herself; not one of the comments she made reflected my perception of her, an observation I shared to which she replied “don’t take away the one thing I am good at”.  Which made me start to ponder why we tell ourselves negative stories.  So many of the wonderful people that I see both personally and professionally have issues that stem from them internalising the negative things people say or inventing their own negative stories.  I am sure we all have friends, where you can tell them 5 great things, which they hear repeated from several other people but the only thing they will remember and focus on is the one thing that the man on the bus said about them being fat.  Those stories we chose to remember and repeat to ourselves, diminish us and to change we need to understand why.

Gender Dynamics in Professional Demonstration

Returning to the equestrian exhibition, despite the overwhelming female presence in both consumer and vendor roles, expert demonstrations were predominantly delivered by male presenters. The presenters were all interesting and dynamic; at one presentation an experienced male instructor and his son were miked up to share their excellent insights into horsemanship to a 98% female audience.  The presenters had two female riders on horseback to demonstrate; the man speaking said they were not miked up as “he wouldn’t be able to get a word in”.  Why did the female audience laugh at this?

This disparity merits examination, particularly considering:

• The demonstrated expertise of female practitioners
• Historical gender-based authority structures
• Systemic barriers to female leadership roles
• Internalised professional limiting beliefs

Self-Efficacy and Identity Formation

I widened my observations to other events and realised that in most situations there are prevalent patterns of self-deprecating behaviour among highly skilled female sports people. Case studies revealed:

• Accomplished experts in a variety of sporting fields minimising their expertise
• Persistent negative self-talk despite demonstrable skill
• Attribution of success to external factors
• Reluctance to assume authoritative positions

I’ve worked in the sporting arena for several decades and this is not a symptom of the sporting world, it would appear to be prevalent female behaviour in all  areas.  Successful males are more likely to stand up and be proud of their achievements, as they should be.  Women tend to share the success with their wider team. 

Cognitive Behavioural Patterns and Their Impact

The accumulation of negative self-messaging creates self-reinforcing patterns that manifest in:

• Professional hesitancy
• Imposter syndrome
• Risk aversion
• Limited career progression

Examples of negative expression

• Looking in the mirror and being critical about what you see
• Not completing or perceiving didn’t do a task well  and saying “I’m stupid”
• Looking at a new task and saying “I can’t do it”

What examples can you think of?  Add to the comments.

Therapeutic Implications

These observations highlight the critical role of therapeutic intervention in addressing:

• Internalised limiting beliefs
• Negative cognitive patterns
• Professional self-doubt
• Fear of visibility

Statistical Analysis of Gender Representation in Leadership Roles

Despite significant educational and workplace advancements, statistical evidence consistently highlights persistent gender disparities in leadership positions:

• Women occupy only 29% of senior management roles globally, with progress stalling in recent years
• In Fortune 500 companies, women hold just 8.8% of CEO positions despite comprising nearly half the workforce
• Even in female-dominated industries (healthcare, education, non-profit), leadership positions remain disproportionately male-occupied
• The “broken rung” phenomenon shows women are 30% less likely to be promoted from entry-level to first management positions

This data reflects not merely qualification gaps but systemic barriers and internal limiting beliefs that create compounding disadvantages. The pattern observed at the equestrian exhibition—female majority participation with male authority presentation—mirrors broader professional landscapes where expertise and authority remain gender-coded.

Personal Observation: I recently attended a healthcare conference where, despite women making up 76% of the industry workforce, only 2 of the 11 keynote speakers were female. When I asked the organizer about this disparity, she—a woman herself—responded that “men just tend to be more comfortable in the spotlight.” This internalised perspective demonstrates how we sometimes unconsciously perpetuate the very patterns that limit us.

Action Steps for Organizations:

• Implement transparent promotion criteria based on measurable achievements rather than self-nomination
• Create leadership development programs specifically targeting women at the “broken rung” stage
• Establish regular gender representation audits with associated accountability measures
• Adjust recruitment language to eliminate gender-coded terms that may discourage female applicants

Impact of Early Socialisation on Professional Confidence

The roots of gender-differentiated self-efficacy begin forming in childhood through:

• Gendered feedback patterns: Research shows girls receive praise primarily for neatness, appearance, and following instructions, while boys are commended for leadership, innovation, and risk-taking
• Behavioural expectation differences: Girls are socialised to prioritize cooperation, accommodation, and relationship maintenance over assertion
• Media representation: Even in contemporary children’s media, male characters dominate speaking roles and demonstrate greater agency and authority
• Risk assessment: Girls are more frequently cautioned about danger and discouraged from physical risk-taking, potentially establishing lower risk tolerance in professional contexts later

These early experiences create cognitive frameworks that persist into adulthood, manifesting as the self-deprecating behaviours observed among accomplished women at the equestrian event. The woman who insisted on maintaining negative self-talk—”don’t take away the one thing I am good at”—demonstrates how these patterns become integral to identity formation.

Therapeutic Perspective: From a clinical standpoint, these early socialisation patterns create neural pathways that become increasingly reinforced over time. When a young girl repeatedly hears cautions like “be careful” or “that’s not ladylike,” her brain forms associations between assertiveness and disapproval. In therapy, we call this “emotional conditioning,” and it requires deliberate repatterning through consistent positive reinforcement of new behaviours.

I’ve worked with countless professional women who can trace their reluctance to speak up in meetings directly to childhood experiences where they were hushed, overlooked, or criticised for being “too much.” The good news is that neuroplasticity allows us to form new cognitive pathways at any age with the right support.

Parenting and Education Actions:

• Encourage equal risk-taking and problem-solving opportunities regardless of gender
• Examine the feedback you give to children and ensure it values substance over appearance
• Provide diverse role models across gender lines in all professional fields
• Practice “growth language” that emphasizes effort and learning rather than innate traits

Role of Mentorship in Building Female Leadership

Effective mentorship represents one of the most powerful interventions for counteracting internalized limiting beliefs:

• Women with mentors are 27% more likely to seek promotions and leadership opportunities
• Cross-gender mentorship provides valuable insider perspective on navigating male-dominated environments
• Same-gender mentorship offers crucial role modeling that challenges stereotypes about female leadership
• Structured mentorship programs show 72% retention improvement for female talent in organizations

The absence of visible female leadership at the equestrian demonstration represents a missed mentorship opportunity. Had those accomplished female riders been positioned as co-experts rather than silent demonstrators, the event could have modelled balanced gender authority while providing the same quality information.

Personal Anecdote: In my early career, I struggled with the confidence to present my ideas in executive meetings. My turning point came when a senior female leader pulled me aside after watching me defer to male colleagues repeatedly. “I see you holding back,” she told me. “I used to do the same until someone showed me that my voice matters just as much as theirs.” She implemented a simple but effective strategy: for three months, she would subtly signal me during meetings when she noticed I had something to contribute but wasn’t speaking up. This gentle accountability transformed my professional presence.

I’ve since paid this forward with junior colleagues, creating an informal mentorship chain. The woman who mentored me had initially believed she “wasn’t good at developing others”—another example of the limiting beliefs we’re discussing. Yet her impact on my career was profound.

Mentorship Implementation Guide:

• For mentees: Identify specific areas where you seek growth and communicate these clearly
• For mentors: Share not just successes but also struggles and strategies for overcoming them
• For organisations: Create structured mentorship programs with clear objectives and regular check-ins
• For everyone: Consider both formal and informal mentorship opportunities across different contexts

Intersection of Gender and Expertise Recognition

The phenomenon observed at the equestrian event highlights the complex interplay between gender and perceived expertise:

• Double-bind dilemma: Women face contradictory expectations to demonstrate both feminine likeability and masculine authority
• Expertise threshold asymmetry: Research indicates women must provide approximately 2.5x more evidence of competence to be rated equally to male counterparts
• Authority attribution: Male voices are consistently rated as more authoritative across multiple fields, even when delivering identical content
• Self-citation gap: Women cite their own previous work 56% less frequently than men, contributing to reduced visibility

These factors create a self-reinforcing cycle: as women’s expertise receives less recognition, they internalize these evaluations and become increasingly hesitant to assert their knowledge publicly. The audience’s laughter at the comment about not giving female riders microphones “or he wouldn’t get a word in” reflects how deeply these perceptions have become normalised.

Therapeutic Insight: This internalisation process is what we call “cognitive fusion” in therapy—when we become so entangled with a belief that we can no longer distinguish between the thought and reality. For many women, the thought “I’m not expert enough” has fused with their professional identity. A key therapeutic approach involves creating psychological distance from these thoughts through “defusion” techniques that help individuals recognize thoughts as mental events rather than absolute truths.

I recall working with a hypnotherapy  client—a veterinary specialist with over 15 years of experience—who constantly qualified her statements with phrases like “I might be wrong, but…” or “This is just my opinion…” During our sessions, we tracked these qualifiers and discovered she used them 5-7 times more frequently when speaking with male colleagues than female ones. This awareness was the first step in her journey toward authentic professional expression.

Recognition-Building Practices:

• Maintain a “success journal” documenting expertise demonstrations and positive outcomes
• Practice assertion language that eliminates unnecessary qualifiers (“I think” or “just”)
• Create reference lists of your credentials, experiences, and achievements to review before high-stakes situations
• Implement a “citation pact” with colleagues to mutually highlight each other’s contributions

Specific Cognitive Behavioural Techniques for Building Confidence

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy offers targeted interventions for transforming the limiting beliefs identified throughout this analysis:

• Thought records: Systematically document negative self-talk to identify distortion patterns (e.g., “I succeeded because I got lucky” vs. “I succeeded because I’m skilled”)
• Behavioural experiments: Incrementally challenge avoidance behaviours by setting small, progressive goals (e.g., speaking once in each meeting, then presenting a short segment)
• Reattribution training: Practice redirecting success attribution from external factors to internal capabilities
• Cognitive restructuring: Transform statements like “I can’t do this” to “I haven’t learned how to do this yet”
• Self-compassion practices: Develop self-talk that mirrors how you would speak to a respected colleague

The implementation of these techniques creates measurable improvements in professional confidence, leadership willingness, and authentic self-expression. Rather than erasing the “one thing I am good at”—self-deprecation—these approaches expand the repertoire of recognized competencies and create space for balanced self-assessment.

Therapeutic Framework in Action: In my practice, I’ve developed a specialized CBT approach for professional women that combines traditional cognitive restructuring with embodied confidence techniques. This integrative method acknowledges that confidence isn’t merely cognitive—it lives in the body as well.

For instance, when working with a client who experiences anxiety about public speaking, we address both the negative thought patterns (“Everyone will notice my mistakes”) and the physical manifestations of that anxiety (shallow breathing, hunched posture). Through paired interventions—cognitive restructuring alongside diaphragmatic breathing and power posing—we create comprehensive change that feels authentic rather than performative.

The most transformative aspect of this work is witnessing women recognize that confidence isn’t about eliminating all self-doubt but rather about not allowing that doubt to dictate behaviour. As one Sisu  client eloquently put it, “I still hear the critical voice, but now it’s sitting in the passenger seat instead of driving the car.”

Step-by-Step CBT Implementation Guide:

1. Begin a daily thought record identifying three negative self-statements and their situational triggers
2. For each negative statement, develop two evidence-based alternative perspectives
3. Select one small behavioural challenge weekly that pushes slightly beyond your comfort zone
4. Practice daily self-compassion meditation focusing on professional identity (5-10 minutes)
5. Create accountability by sharing goals with a trusted colleague or therapist
6. Celebrate progress by acknowledging both attempted challenges and successful outcomes

Conclusion: Creating New Stories

The narratives we internalise about our capabilities and worth shape not only our individual trajectories but our collective progress toward gender equity in professional spaces. By understanding the psychological mechanisms behind self-limiting beliefs, we can begin the transformative work of creating new, empowering stories.

The equestrian exhibition serves as both a metaphor and microcosm of broader patterns—a space where women’s expertise is simultaneously evident and undervalued, often by women themselves. Through targeted intervention, mentorship, and conscious restructuring of institutional patterns, we can create environments where expertise transcends gender and achievement is recognized without qualification.

Personal Reflection: Last week, I observed a profound moment during a team meeting. A junior colleague—who had previously shared her struggle with speaking up—presented a comprehensive analysis. When she finished, the room fell silent. She later told me she interpreted this silence as disapproval, but I had seen something different: the thoughtful consideration her thorough work deserved. This moment exemplifies how we filter experiences through our existing beliefs, often misinterpreting neutral or even positive responses as negative.

The first step in transformation is recognising the stories we’ve been telling ourselves, questioning their origins, and choosing, deliberately and with support, to write new ones. This isn’t merely a personal journey but a collective responsibility that, when embraced, creates ripple effects throughout our professional ecosystems.

Take Action Today:

• Schedule a weekly “belief audit” to identify one limiting narrative you can challenge
• Find a “confidence buddy” with whom you can practice assertive communication
• Consider professional therapeutic support if negative self-talk significantly impacts your wellbeing
• Share your journey with others—vulnerability often provides permission for collective growth
• Remember that changing these patterns benefits not only you but creates pathways for others following in your footsteps

Call to Action

If you recognise these patterns in your own professional or personal life, therapeutic support can help transform these limiting beliefs. Through targeted cognitive behavioural therapy, you can:

• Challenge negative self-talk
• Build confidence in professional settings
• Develop leadership capabilities
• Embrace opportunities for growth

Contact us to begin your journey toward professional empowerment and authentic self-expression.